Golangco Highway

Today marks my father’s 3rd year death anniversary. Long were the days when I would wake up crying in the middle of the night because in my dreams he is alive, then I would wake up realizing the awful reality that he is gone. Gone are days when I would cry whenever or wherever I am, with his memories flashing in my head. I thought I would never get pass that stage. You know what I realize? I never did get over my father’s death, I just learned how to live without him.

Looking at my drafts, the writings I never get to finish because I would end up crying. Let me share one about him.

Here goes: (unedited)

As I sit in the bus, I looked out the window, searched for the car parked at the bus stop, where he patiently waits for me to get off every time I would come home. I would sit in the passenger seat, telling him about what I did for the past weeks, even months, I keep on rambling as he quietly listens to my rants with his hands on the steering wheel. How I can talk so much when I am with him.


Tell me how to move on from a lost [of a parent]. Is that even possible? How come I still feel hurt when I think about him. How I wanted to see, feel and hear his voice!



One Sided Love

Something must be wrong with me.

Why I always fall victim of a one sided love.

Can you atleast make me feel special even for once.

Tell me how can I make you love me.

My heart is getting tired,

I’m scared of what I can do next, love.

Should I wait a little longer?

Should I try to forget?

Should I leave you alone?

My heart beats pain.

My eyes cry a river.

Atleast, I know what I feel is real.



I admit. I was stupid to fall for you. I convince myself from time to time. I was never inlove with you. But why do I still think of you? The picture of us getting back together. Baby, that it’s still you and me in the end. That maybe we just needed this time apart to be perfect for each other. That we will find our way back to each other…one day.

For now, I will try to forget. And forgive myself for letting my guard down for you. I was already too careful. But maybe I really liked you. So much that even I get surprise with myself. I like to take things slow. And you are like a splash, oh, babe, we don’t jive. I tried to match your pace, but know that my hands shake when I do. It’s difficult for an introvert me. Oh how it feels like I violate my entire existence.

I know I’ll always look back, but to understand why it didn’t workout. I will meet other people. I’ll move on. I will start dating. And fall deeply in love. I know you’ll do the same.


(I wrote this a few weeks ago. I thought I will never be able to post this, but, it is time.)




I am not angry, but furious

So I let myself go to curse you

My heart cries to cleanse my soul

Because I know deep within me

I can’t do the way you do me

For my father left something in me

A mirror of his heart and soul.


Beautiful Things 🎶

If you go. I think I’d understand. It’s not that easy holding my hand.
But you should know, that I miss you all the time. And I wish that I could tell you that we’ll be alright.

But I can’t be where you are tonight.

-Tori Kelly


Hard to Love

I have read somewhere that the people who loves you when you have money don’t deserve you. Those who have loved you when you are nothing are those who deserve your everything.

Me and my family, we are one of the living proof of how people love and bow to you because they benefit from you. When that stops and you are left with nothing, they’re all gone…in a snap.

People love to receive, yet it pains them to give. All those we thought would give us a hand the same as we had given them wants nothing to do with us. Relatives, family and friendship had set a totally different definition in my vocabulary. (You know what I mean)

I sometimes blame my parents for making the wrong decisions that had put us in difficult times. But I will always thank God for giving me such parents who always love to give no matter what their circumstances are.

I am still grateful, for this life, for these challenges we have to face every single day. We may have lost everything right now, but deep in my heart I know, God will provide all the things I need and He will give back more than what we lost.

We just have to be patient and strong to endure all the hardships waiting for us. We are learning a lot. And I know I will be more loving and giving than I was before and now, because I have experienced how having more than enough and having nothing in my pocket feels like.

I am hard to love right now, because I have nothing to offer. I’ve been selfish of my trust because of how some people used our resources for their own personal advantage.

But to those who still love me and my family – Thank you! Those who have helped us, knowing they can gain nothing and would actually bring them inconvenience – My eyes and my heart cries to the Lord to bless you more every day. Trust that your kindness will never be forgotten. I am and will always be grateful to you and your family forever.

I promise myself to help those in need even if it brings me inconvenience. If I could do that just to help them a little, I will, because I know how it feels having no one. It is worse than having nothing.


Two years have passed yet everything feels surreal. Sometimes I wish that all this is just a nightmare I wanted to wake up from. That story that I will soon tell you, it is still a work in progress, if I were you, I’ll make sure that I’ll be on the protagonist side. Kidding!

I remember asking God to give me something to cry about during worship services, because all these people cry so hard that I would fake a cry because I feel outcasted. I would laugh about it now, and jokingly say “be careful what you wish for, you just might get it.” God listens, y’all.


Beach Loner

I love my alone time. Time for reflection and de-stressing.

I made friends with the life guards and they promised me a free adventure next time I visit. Small talks lead to free stuff. 😋

Here’s a video clip of my very quiet getaway.